Middle Ground
by Dawn
Summary: Buffy tries to mend the rift between her and Spike after Giles betrayal. S/B


Title: Middle Ground  
  
Author: Dawn  
  
Summary: Buffy tries to mend the rift between her and Spike after Giles' betrayal. S/B  
  
Spoilers: Lies Our Parents Told Us  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Joss owns all of it except the lyrics, which belong to Evanesence, and I don't have their permission either. Great CD. If you don't have it you should get it.  
  
Feedback: Much appreciated.  
  
Distribution: Anywhere as long as my name stays attached.  
  
Author's Note: Just wanted to take a break from "Picking up the Pieces". I've never written anything that long before and it's kind of draining. Also, I know you're all wondering where it went. I deleted it from fanfic.net and you all know why. A certain reviewer, who will remain nameless because..well they are, was bugging the crap out of me with 150 inane reviews a day and it kind of took the fun out of writing the story. I will repost it under a different name or find someone kind enough to house it for me!  
  
Anyway, enough about that! This is all new!  
  
****************************************  
  
You don't remember me, but I remember you  
  
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you  
  
But who can decide what they dream?  
  
And dream I do  
  
Have you forgotten all I know and all we had?  
  
You saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand  
  
I knew you loved me then  
  
I look in the mirror and see your face  
  
If I look deep enough  
  
So many things inside that are just like you are taking over me  
  
I believe in you  
  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
  
I have to be with you to live to breath  
  
You're taking over me  
  
******************************  
  
It had been three full days and Spike had not come up from the basement once. Buffy had no idea how he was getting in and out without being seen especially since she was watching the door so closely. The trainees had avoided the dark area under the house after being told by Dawn what had happened. Most were not very happy with Giles and Principal Wood had not been seen at the house since the 'incident'.  
  
Buffy was at her wit's end. She rarely went a day without talking to Spike. They would usually wind up downstairs sitting on his cot catching up on the day and how well the girls were progressing and what they needed work on. She knew it was just time to be together but neither would admit it. Spike was still wary around her not touching her for any reason. It was really starting to get on her nerves. She missed the 'accidental' brushes of his body against hers. She missed the electricity it sent through her and the way it made her heart race. But what was she supposed to say to him? "Hey when are you gonna get over the rape thing and start flirting with me again?" Yeah that was going to happen.  
  
Three days without contact and she was going nuts. And the worst thing was, she felt like he thought she'd had something to do with setting him up. Otherwise, why would he be avoiding her?  
  
Finally, she'd had enough. She had to clear the air around them or she would scream. It was three in the morning and she hoped he would be there. She crept out of her room and down the stairs being careful to make no noise and wake any of the fifty people staying in her house. She made it to the basement door and pulled it open slowly to avoid the squeaky hinges. She'd been meaning to oil them forever but it was at the bottom of her 'to- do' list right now. Hopefully, she'd avert this apocalypse then worry about the WD-40. She tiptoed down the cold wooden steps wishing now she'd at least put on socks. The cement floor would be freezing. It was nearly impossible to see down here. The only light came from the two tiny windows set high in the wall. She stood on the bottom step waiting for her eyes to adjust before continuing. She didn't want to walk into any furniture and bruise her already battered ego.  
  
She knew he was here. She could feel him. Why was he sitting in the dark? He had several lamps set around for reading and she knew he wouldn't be asleep yet. He was probably hoping she did trip over something and would fall flat on her face or right at his feet. She walked towards the bed and realized, as she got closer that it was empty. She turned and scanned the room. Her eyesight wouldn't be as good as his here and he would know that. Now she was getting pissed. He was playing with her.  
  
Suddenly she felt a wisp of air to her right and she spun that way. A voice whispered into her left ear.  
  
"What's a matter, Slayer? Scared of the dark?" She shivered at the feel of his cool breath against her skin. It had been so long since he'd voluntarily gotten that close to her or called her by that name.  
  
"Stop playing around, Spike." She said in frustration. She was so tempted to grab him but he was gone before she could follow through.  
  
"Don't wanna to be left out." He answered sarcastically from across the room. Buffy took deep breath and reminded herself that she was here to apologize not to beat him to a bloody pulp for being an ass.  
  
"Spike, I came down here to tell you that I had nothing to do with what happened. Giles took me out on some phony training thing to keep me occupied. I had no idea..I never would have left you if.." She stopped when she got no response.  
  
"Please say you believe me." She didn't want to beg but for some reason it was important to her that he know she was on his side.  
  
"What difference does it make?" His voice was rough from disuse. Had he left this basement at all in the last three days?  
  
"It makes a big difference to me. I don't want you to think that I would do something like that. Not after everything I went through to save you."  
  
"Ease up, Slayer. I know you had no part of it. I'd bet my coat on the principal. Not even the Watcher would have had the minerals to pull something like that off by himself. Someone had to plant the seed and Wood is holding the shovel." He stated flatly.  
  
"Just didn't know Rupert hated me so much." She could hear the hurt in his voice. The realization suddenly struck her. He wasn't mad; he was down here licking his emotional wounds. He had begun to believe that he was one of them. He thought Giles was beginning to trust him maybe even like him a little and then he'd gone and betrayed him. Worse than that Giles had tried to kill him in a roundabout way.  
  
Minutes passed in silence as Spike waited for her to defend her Watcher. He was surprised when she said nothing.  
  
"What? No big speeches about how he was doing it for the greater good? No ode to why the Watcher is blameless? I must say, I'm a bit disappointed, luv." His voice was coming from different places now and she assumed he'd started to pace.  
  
"There is no defense for what he did. He went behind my back and tried to kill my..." She stopped before she slipped. The word 'lover' had been on the tip of her tongue.  
  
It was so quiet she could hear the dust settling on the floor.  
  
"Your what?" His voice was directly beside her now and she turned quickly, bumping into the solid wall of his cotton-covered chest. She refused to step back.  
  
"My friend. He tried to kill one of my friends. It's just as bad as if he'd gone after Xander or Willow. Worse even because he knows what you've been through to come this far." She finished angrily. She wished she could see his face. She could barely see even the outline and she could read so much in his eyes. His nearness was starting to get to her also. The constant energy between them was chaotic at their closeness, trying desperately to pull them that last foot so they would be touching.  
  
She could feel his breath against her face and she knew he was starring into her eyes because the hair at the nape of her neck was standing straight up.  
  
She knew when he finally gave up with the 'I'm the big bad' routine. All the air went out of him and his shoulders slumped forward. He ran his hands through his bleached hair and moved away to sit on the bed. He reached up and clicked the lamp on next to him. A weak light tried to dispel the darkness without much luck but at least she could see him now.  
  
"I wish I could go back and undo it." His voice was so low she wasn't sure she'd heard him right.  
  
"Undo what?"  
  
"Nikki." The name sounded strange on his lips.  
  
"Oh." She didn't know what else to say. "You were different then. You were a vampire and she was the Slayer. It's a chance we take every time we go out there." She assured him.  
  
"I'm still a vampire and that's no excuse. What if she'd had somebody who felt about her like I feel..." He stopped suddenly. It was the first time since his return that he'd admitted to still being in love with her. She tried not to feel excited about it but her heart wasn't listening.  
  
"I would have hunted them down and ripped them apart. I got off easy for what I did to his mum." He dropped his head into his hands.  
  
He wasn't angry with Principal Wood? Well fine. She was furious enough for the both of them.  
  
"No Spike. He had no right to pull this shit now. We're in a battle for our lives and he let his stupid revenge get in the way of that. Yeah, okay you killed him mom. End of the world comes first then he can challenge you to a fight. But not first. Not when I need you to help me beat this thing. And before you even say it, I don't mean he's welcome to you when this is all over. He lays one finger on you and I'll do exactly what I promised him I would."  
  
He looked up confused.  
  
"What's that pet?"  
  
"Let you kill him." Spike's eyes widened slightly.  
  
"Thought you had a thing for tall, dark, and vengeful."  
  
"Yeah, well he fixed that didn't he?" She turned and plopped down on the bed beside him. "Nobody gets to kill my vampire but me." She joked. She finally got a small smile out of him.  
  
"Best bring everyone up to speed on that one, luv."  
  
"I'll add it to my list of things to tell them at my next meeting. If they're not to busy sleeping through it." She said dryly.  
  
"You do tend to get long winded." He got a soft punch in the arm for that.  
  
"I learned from the best." She said sweetly, patting the arm she'd just hit.  
  
"Hey, watch it." His threat was hollow of course. She missed this. The comfortable banter. It was something they rarely got to do. In the past the insults they had thrown at each other had been meant to hurt and lately there had been too much between them to say much at all in fear of the other taking it the wrong way.  
  
"Have you gone out at all in the last three day?" She asked suddenly.  
  
"Been watching for me?" She blushed and turned her head so he wouldn't see, which was stupid because he would be able to hear her heart speed up.  
  
"Maybe a little. I was worried."  
  
"I've pretty much just stayed down here. Went upstairs to raid the fridge a few times but other than that.." He shrugged. She could still feel the sadness in him at Giles betrayal.  
  
"I'm so sorry for what he did, Spike. I was as shocked as you were. He kept talking about how I had to be willing to sacrifice everything for the cause. How I would even have to be able to give up Dawn this time. I thought it was kind of weird that he kept hounding me about it but I was busy staking a vamp so I wasn't at full 'figure Giles out' mode. When I finally realized what he was saying..God, I can't even describe how I felt."  
  
"Try." She looked over at him and could see in his eyes how much he needed to know what she felt for him. She sighed and tried to remember exactly what had gone through her mind, shivering at the memory.  
  
"I tried to imagine my life without you in it." She paused for a minute and tears slowly started to gather in the corner of her eyes and spill over heedlessly.  
  
"I couldn't do it. The thought of it made me go completely cold inside. You've been a part of my everyday for so long that the idea of you not being there...I couldn't even force my mind around it. I panicked. I don't think I've ever run that fast in my life. I was so afraid I'd be too late. My brain shut down and I just ran." She didn't even realize she had grabbed his hand and was holding it tightly in her own.  
  
With his other hand, he reached up and wiped the salty wetness from her face. She turned and pulled her knee up on the bed so she was facing him. She looked up at him with huge hazel eyes trying to tell him without words what he meant to her.  
  
Even when all the tears had been wiped away he didn't take his hand from her. He hadn't touched her in so long he couldn't stop himself. She sat perfectly still while he reacquainted himself with the feel of her skin. Eventually the other joined the first and he was cupping her face in his hands and brushing his thumbs repeatedly over her cheeks and lips. The air between them had thickened slowly and was now heavy with arousal.  
  
She couldn't draw enough breath into her lungs and her lips parted slightly. The blue of Spike's eyes darkened to sapphire and his nostrils flared at the scent of her. But he was still so afraid. The memory of what had happened still very vivid in his mind. He never wanted to hurt her again. He'd walk into the sun first.  
  
"God, Buffy I want.." His voice was hoarse and filled with emotion.  
  
"Please." She whispered softly. When he didn't respond immediately she grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him to her. Her lips crashed against his and she moaned aloud at the feel of his mouth on hers, finally. The kiss was desperate. Two people too long denied what they both wanted but hadn't dared ask for. Spike kept a firm grip on her head so that he could turn it whichever way he needed to kiss her as deeply as possible. Again and again they pulled away only to meet fiercely. Spike slanted his lips over hers and pushed his tongue deep into the heat of her mouth. She didn't sit meekly. Her own tongue fought with his for dominance. Her hands weren't idle either. They roamed over the muscles of his chest and abdomen and she wanted badly to touch bare skin.  
  
Without realizing it her hand fell and brushed against the front of Spike's jeans. He gasped loudly and pulled back. They were both panting harshly and Buffy could see the uncertainty in his eyes. How far did she want to take this? Was he hurting her? Did she even want this?  
  
"Please don't leave me." Her voice was breathy and wanting and Spike's undoing. He pulled her mouth to his once again and at her insistence stopped briefly to remove his leather coat and black T-shirt. Once free of the cloth Buffy's hands attacked the bared alabaster skin. She pushed him until he was lying beneath her on the cot. Her fingers brushed over the defined lines of his chest and redrew the hardness of his abs.  
  
"God, I've missed you." She admitted fervently. Spike thought he'd turn to dust just from her words. How many times had he imagined her saying it, imagined her just like this after his return? Thousands? Millions? And now she was here with him, her body hovering over his with her small powerful hands caressing him in genuine tenderness. But had anything changed? When this little interlude was over would she go back to pretending it had never happened and being ashamed? He had to know before he let it go too far, not that it hadn't already.  
  
He took her roving hands in his and she looked up in surprise.  
  
"Buffy." He said her name gruffly trying desperately to calm his raging lust and speak clearly. He didn't want to mess this up.  
  
"Buffy I have to know if this means anything. It can't be like it was before, luv. If we do this now it has to be because you plan on making something of it. No lies and no regrets. I don't want to be your dirty little secret again. That way only leads to badness and I don't think I could live through being rejected by you again." She sat back which only brought her in contact with his obvious readiness for her but she didn't move away.  
  
"I wouldn't be here if this wasn't what I wanted, Spike. I want you and I want you every way I can have you. I want you in my life, in my heart, in my bed. You're the part of me I can't live without. If anything happened to you..." Tears again slipped down her face.  
  
"Shhhh, pet. It's okay. I'm not planning on going anywhere barring people bent on killing me." He smiled up at her. She tried to return it through her tears but it was weak at best.  
  
"I love you, Spike." He froze. For several minutes they just starred at each other letting the words hang between them. It hadn't been as difficult as she'd thought it would be. Really easy in fact.  
  
"I love you." She whispered again, this time she bent closer until her lips were inches from his.  
  
"Say it again." His voice was chocked with tears of his own. He couldn't believe she'd finally said it. The little blond chit from the school had been right after all.  
  
"I love you, William." She breathed out.  
  
"God, Buffy I love you so much," he replied while pulling her down to taste her again. The kiss was different. Instead of hard and frenzied it was soft and languorous. He was in no hurry now that she was finally his. He suckled her bottom lip and traced it lightly with his tongue. He kissed the edges of her mouth and then her closed eyes and her wet cheeks. By the time he pulled away he'd covered the entire area and she was smiling shyly. He'd never been so thorough before. She'd never given him the time.  
  
"Come here." He moved over and she fell down beside him on the shaky cot. She snuggled into his side as he wrapped her in his arms. She sighed contentedly. This is where she had wanted to be since the moment she'd laid eyes on him after his three-month disappearance. She was finally home. He stroked her hair gently and shut his eyes tightly, disbelieving of this whole night. He didn't think he would ever have this. But she had believed in him and in them.  
  
They lay wrapped around each other for hours until the sun started to peak through the glass above them.  
  
Buffy groaned and tried to burrow further against him. He chuckled lightly at her actions.  
  
"Can't it stay dark forever?" She asked childishly.  
  
"That'd be right nice actually." Her fingers found his ribs and he yelped.  
  
"Ugh, I have to go upstairs and face the world yet again." She complained.  
  
"Not alone this time, pet." She looked up into his clear blue eyes and ran her fingers down the side of his handsome face.  
  
"Not alone," she repeated softly. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this happy, this free. Now she just had to prove to him that she meant everything she'd said. She got up slowly and made her way to the stairs. She wanted to get to her room before the house started to stir. She turned at the bottom step and caught his eye.  
  
"I really do love you, you know?" There was a slight tremor in her tone.  
  
"I really do believe you." He said seriously. She nodded and ran lightly up the steps.  
  
By nine o'clock the whole house was awake and in the kitchen scrounging for breakfast. Buffy had showered and dressed getting up the nerve she'd need to face the animosity she knew would come with her decision. But it had been hers to make and she didn't care what they thought. It felt so good just to not care. She'd let that stop her too many times in the past.  
  
She figured Spike would stay downstairs and sleep so she was surprised to walk into the kitchen and see him leaning against the counter with a cup in his hand watching the potentials fight for cereal. He met her eyes over several arguing heads and smirked.  
  
God, she wished they were alone. She felt her body temperature rise ten degrees and she could tell by the smug look on Spike's face that he could tell too. Buffy caught Dawn looking between the two of them and younger girls mouth dropped open. Buffy shook her head frantically to let her know to keep her gob shut as Spike would say. He was hiding a smile behind his mug of warmed blood.  
  
Buffy decided she better do this quick before Dawn had time to spread the rumor.  
  
"Is everybody here?" She called out. All the girls looked around as if trying to account for each other.  
  
"I think so." Kennedy replied, grabbing a cup of coffee and going to stand beside Willow who had just come in. Xander was already there slicing banana pieces for his Rice Krispies. At that moment Buffy heard a noise behind her and turned to see Giles leaning against the doorframe. Anger welled up in her and she moved around the island to stand beside Spike. Giles didn't miss the action. He lowered his head briefly and removed his glasses to clean them.  
  
"Okay, first thing on the list this morning." She moved closer to the vampire beside her and slipped her arm through his. He raised one scared eyebrow in surprise. He wasn't the only surprised one. Xander dropped his knife and Willow gasped. Dawn was just standing at the counter with a huge grin on her face.  
  
"A fight is coming. We all know that. Some of us are going to die. I may be one of them." She put up a hand to stop the murmured denials. "The point is that none of us knows so whether I have a week or 50 years I want to be happy." She looked up at Spike.  
  
"And Spike makes me happy. I want to be with him and I don't want it to be a secret so I'm telling you now. If anybody hurts him it hurts me and it hurts our chances. No more bullshit. We can't win this fight without him. I can't do any of this without him." She was starring straight at Giles as she spoke.  
  
"Now, that said we go on to the second thing..." Her voice went on but Spike kind of tuned it out. He knew it wasn't for him anyway. He was still busy judging how the Scoobies felt about the latest announcement. He glanced at Willow and she smiled slightly at him and gave him a thumb's up. Well, that was one in his corner. He already knew Dawn was thrilled by the still silly grin on her face. Xander, however, was not smiling. If looks could kill Spike would be in an urn over the fireplace. He was pretty sure the glorified carpenter was about to have a coronary his face was so red. The Watcher was another story. His face showed nothing. He'd had years of practice at that. Seemed to be two to two. He didn't like the odds.  
  
As the speech wound down the 'not yet' Slayers filed out of the room to get ready for training in the backyard. Eventually there was no one left but Spike and Xander. They just stood glaring at each other for a full five minutes before Xander spoke.  
  
"I don't like you." He said flatly. Spike shrugged.  
  
"Then we're even mate."  
  
"But," Xander said quickly holding up a hand to stop Spike from saying something that would make him regret what he was about to do, "Buffy for some reason unknown to God or man likes you. I can't change that or stop it and I won't do anything that jeopardizes my friendship with her. So, I'm going to support her in this by not killing you in your sleep. But the standard threat still applies. If you hurt her, I'm first in line with Mr. Pointy." That said he turned and left the room.  
  
Spike was shocked. Well. Well. Maybe the whelp had grown up a little after all. Losing the love of his life to stupidity had probably helped. So it was three to two now. Those odds should have made him feel better but he knew Giles too well.  
  
He washed out his mug and instead of heading to the basement he went upstairs to Buffy's room. He knocked softly and heard her bid to come in. She was putting the finishing touches on her hair, which she'd pulled back for training. She wore loose track pants and a tank top that showed off her golden skin. He leaned his shoulder against the doorframe and just watched her because he was allowed to do that now.  
  
His penetrating gaze finally got to her.  
  
"What? You're making me nervous." She grumbled. He came to stand beside her and leaned down to place a kiss against her neck. She jumped and moaned as he sucked the skin into his mouth.  
  
"Spike." She hissed as he licked up to her ear and took the lobe between his teeth and bit down softly. "You have to stop. I have to go train.." Her voice trailed off as his hand found the hem of her shirt and lifted it to discover the warm skin underneath. He stroked the taut muscles of her abs. His hand moved upward and Buffy stopped it firmly.  
  
"I can't. I have to go outside. Please, just wait for tonight." She whispered against his mouth and she pressed hers to it. They kissed slowly for what seemed like hours until a throat was cleared behind them. They pulled away and found a grinning Dawn standing in the hallway.  
  
"If you two can stop making out for two seconds the girls are ready downstairs." She yelped as a pillow came at her head. Buffy turned back to Spike and laughed at the look of pure frustration on his face.  
  
"Tonight, I promise. We'll have all night long." She said in a low, sultry voice while tracing her fingers up his stomach. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to him for a hard, quick kiss that left her breathless.  
  
She practically floated down the stairs leaving Spike to sleep the day away in her bedroom where it was quiet. He was constantly complaining about the patter of little slayer feet so she thought she'd give him a break. Plus he'd be well rested for tonight. She grinned wickedly.  
  
She joined her little army in the yard and began to put them through their paces.  
  
By the end of the day, Buffy was ready to drop from exhaustion and with 20 other girls in the house she knew a long, hot bubble bath was completely out of the question. She stumbled into the cool darkness of her room and collapsed on top of the comforter. A silken voice called to her from the corner.  
  
"Rough day, luv?" She lifted her head to see Spike sitting in her armchair reading in the fading afternoon light. She tried to smile at him but her mouth wasn't working. He unfolded himself from the chair and came towards her. His hands reached out and found the tired, tense muscles of her back. She groaned into the covers as he started to massage away the worries of the day.  
  
"Oh, God I love you." She softly. Her voice was so muffled by the blanket that he barely heard her. He leaned down and kissed the top of her mussed hair.  
  
"See what you've been missing out on." He joked. She turned quickly and he pulled back. He had only been teasing but her face said that she took it as anything but a joke.  
  
"Please don't say that. I know what an idiot I was then. To think of all the time I wasted..." She stopped as her throat closed up. Spike knelt down beside her and folded her in his arms.  
  
"Shhh. Pet, I was only speaking figuratively. I didn't mean you should really be sorry."  
  
"I know. I know. But when I think about it. Ugh, I can't even go there or I'll spend the next few weeks beating my head against the wall." She said into his shirt.  
  
"So what's on the agenda for tonight?" He asked lightly, trying to take her mind off dark thoughts.  
  
"I have to take the girls patrolling. Wanna come? If we can't find any vamps to kill they can practice on you. I know how much you love scaring the crap out of them." She knew him too well.  
  
"I'd love to. Long as they don't get stake happy." He corrected.  
  
The night air was warm as Buffy and ten of the potentials crept quietly through the rows of headstones. Well quietly probably wasn't a good word since most of them were chatting or banging their weapons against granite. Who was she kidding? They were terrible at patrolling. She turned on them suddenly and they fell silent.  
  
"Guys, the point of this is to be quiet. Your first defense is that they don't know you're there. Surprise will get half of them and by the time the rest realize what's going on they usually panic and run. You've got to pay attention to your surroundings or you're gonna wind up with two holes in your neck." She said testily. Suddenly she was hit from the side and knocked to the ground. When she finally recovered, Spike was sitting on top of her grinning down at her in full game face.  
  
"What's all this about surprise?" She felt the old rivalry rise up in her and she hauled back and gave him a right cross. He went tumbling sideways and rose fluidly to his feet with the trademark smirk and already dancing around on the balls of his feet ready for her attack. She took off her light jacket and threw it to one of the girls.  
  
"I'm so gonna kick your ass." She threw out into the heavy darkness.  
  
"Bout time." He answered back.  
  
The potentials had all stepped back and were starring wide-eyed at what was happening in front of them. They had seen these two fight before and it was truly something to behold. They were nearly equally matched and when they fought it was like watching two people dance.  
  
Buffy went at him ducking quickly and trying to swipe his legs out from under him but he had already anticipated this and jumped straight up, flipping over her head and landing behind her putting a booted foot to her back and sending her flying. She landed in a roll and came back up red faced. She wasn't about to be bested in front of these potentials.  
  
This time she waited for him to come to her. He ran straight at her with teeth bared and a vampiric growl and tried to tackle her around the middle but she simply turned to the side and gave him an elbow to the back, which sent him into the ground hard. He grunted and rolled using her own trick and swiping her feet out from under her. She landed on her butt in the grass and kicked up instantly catching him under the chin. He stumbled back, which gave her time to stand and find his jaw with her left fist.  
  
While he was distracted, she grabbed his wrist and using his own momentum, completely flipped him onto his back. She straddled him quickly pressing a stake to his chest and smiling sweetly.  
  
"Surprise." She whispered. Their backs were to the gawking crowd so she brazenly leaned over and kissed him hard. There was clapping from the trainees as Buffy stood and helped a glowering Spike to his feet. He would have given all he had to be alone with her right now. There was a nice flat tomb to his right that would do quite nicely for what he had in mind for her.  
  
They moved on through the graveyard. Only three vamps were stupid enough to come after them so they headed home around midnight. After getting everyone settled in Buffy made it to her room to find Spike had beat her there. He was lying in the bed, the covers pulled over him to his waist and the rest was naked Spike goodness. She closed the door firmly and reached behind her to engage the lock.  
  
"I just kind of assumed I could be here now." His voice was hesitant as if he'd overstepped some unspoken boundary.  
  
"That's exactly where you should be." She assured him softly. She started to take off her clothes but he was quick to stop her.  
  
"Let me." He said roughly fighting to keep his hands from shaking. He took the hem of her shirt in his hands and pulled it slowly upward. He threw it to the side and reached for the pants. He slid them down her tanned legs and helped her step out of them until she was left in nothing but her sports bra and little cotton panties. He knew he didn't need to breathe but he was trying to force air into his lungs. She was stunning. Just as he remembered only better because this time it was going to be slow and he'd have plenty of time to look and touch.  
  
He dragged her to the bed and laid her down under him removing the rest of her clothing as he went until she was gloriously naked and they were skin to skin. They took the night to learn one another's bodies completely before bringing each other to completion. And once just wasn't enough. It never had been for them. His mouth on her just about anywhere and she had the pillow over her face screaming into it. By the time the sun was rising over the mountains they were completely sated and lying in a tangle of arms and legs with the sheet curled around them here and there. And still she couldn't stop touching him.  
  
Even as they lay there quietly just looking into each other's eyes her hands were running over the smooth skin of his chest and the planes of his face. To Spike, the greatest wonder of the whole night was her telling him again and again that she loved him. He would never tire of it. He had resigned himself to the fact that she would never say it. To finally hear it was more than he'd ever hoped for.  
  
The two lovers finally drifted off to sleep clutching at each other as if they were afraid the other wouldn't be there when they woke up. They were not disturbed, as everyone knew what had probably gone on the night before. Kennedy led the morning training and Giles gave the daily pep talk and information session. The girls were pretty much given the day off and most headed to the mall for a day without the threat of world endage on their shoulders.  
  
Buffy woke up around noon and stretched slowly. Spike shifted and tried to wrap his arms around her waist but Buffy avoided him. She hadn't slept that well in months but she knew it was late and she had a lot to do. She stood and headed for the shower, which was blessedly free so she took her time. When she went back into her room Spike was awake and had a nervous look on his face. She crawled into the bed and kissed him soundly on the lips.  
  
"I'm not running off and I'm not gonna throw insults at you. Relax. It's real. I'm yours." She could see him visibly relax and a small smile spread over his face.  
  
"Go back to sleep. I've got to find everybody and catch up." She said as he snuggled back down into the Buffy-warmed covers.  
  
When she got to the stairs she knew something wasn't right. It was too quiet. She walked into the kitchen to find Willow and Xander on the computer but other than them the house seemed to be completely deserted.  
  
"Where is everybody?" She asked, going to the refrigerator for something to eat. She was famished.  
  
"Um, they took a field trip to the Sunnydale mall with Giles and Dawnie. They kind of wanted to give you guys some quiet time." Willow answered and Buffy could swear she was blushing. Xander just sat with his head down not looking at her.  
  
"Xander, what's up?" Buffy huffed.  
  
"Nuthin. I didn't say anything." He said quickly.  
  
"No, you didn't but I can see you want to." He could hear the note of warning in her voice.  
  
"I just can't look at you knowing what you were doing all night long. It's..disconcerting." Well at least he hadn't said disgusting.  
  
"Fine. I get that. But you're okay right?" She didn't want him to be holding on to something about her and Spike and just let it fester.  
  
"I'm all aboard the Spike Buffy train I swear. But I still can't think about the two of you..." He stopped and shivered slightly.  
  
"It's not that it's Spike either. He was the same way when you were dating Riley." Willow laughed. Xander gave her the death look.  
  
"In my mind you're on a pedestal and above all worldly desires. Just let me pretend it's true okay?" Buffy laughed and nodded.  
  
"You got it. I crave nothing. Not food, not water, not sex." Xander's hands flew to his ears and he started humming loudly. Both girls were giggling now. Spike could hear it upstairs and he smiled to himself. She hadn't laughed in so long. It was like music to him. He closed his eyes again and let sleep take him.  
  
The whole group didn't return to the house until nine o'clock that night. Just in time for a quick patrol with Buffy. Once again there wasn't must going on so Buffy sent them back to the house with Giles and she and Spike continued on to check all of the twelve cemeteries within the city limits. As soon as the last girl disappeared out of sight Buffy took Spike's hand in hers and started walking toward their next destination. He couldn't help but laugh. His first thought had not been hand holding but he gave in because it seemed to make her happy.  
  
They finished the patrol and got home around two a.m. They made it to her room before attacking each other. Clothes melted away and they got to the bed before collapsing. They spent the whole night making love again. Spike finally let her go to sleep around five in the morning.  
  
She woke a few hours later to Spike's peacefully sleeping face. He looked like such a little boy when he was asleep with his tousled curls and long eyelashes. She brushed her fingers over the hollow created by his cheekbones and let the emotion overwhelm her. Maybe this is all they would know. Maybe today would be her last. Maybe his. But she would take all she could get and she knew it would never be enough. A war was coming and no one knew who would survive. But as long as she had him by her side she had something to fight for.  
  
"I love you." She whispered softly. He sighed and pulled her closer. This might be all they had so they would make the most of it. 


End file.
